Jealousy....

Life is always chained with sins, among all sins jealousy is the most common sin and yet that because it is so common, that showed you how powerful and deadly this sin is. My life had never leave jealousy, dissatisfaction of my current life always the main cause of jealousy, whether it's in the content of academic, physically, mentally, wealth or maybe relationship with others. When you wish that you are as good as others or even better than them, then you are conducting jealousy. But for relationship, it's kinda complicated (to me), through jealousy i know that i'm in love, through jealousy i know i hadn't give up/let go of this relationship, through jealousy i continue to press a knife deeper and deeper into my heart while putting a mask of a jester, only until the day i get numb of this pain, then i will be able to move on, but when the day comes, the wound that place on my heart will be so deep, deep enough to place a scar on it. I wonder if there is a way to pull the knife out before i were to press it deeper and deeper....

Friends??? who??

Who could probably be there for me when i needed someone, when i'm shedding tears, who? who is there? i don't know i can't tell, for a moment when i'm friendly and joy, people come around me, i thought i have a lot of friends, when i'm depress and being quiet, you all leave me all alone, seeing you all enjoying yourself, why? why do i even bother to care about all this, isn't things just started with me alone, why do i bother to make friends??? why do i seems to be invincible when i'm quiet, does anyone think of me?? or am i contagious?? you alll afraid of being infected by loneliness?? Why???? why do i even know them at the first place, if i know joy is the priority, why???????? who??? Who??? .......who is free To hear me out??? who... please don't tell me you care when you don't really care....

I'm annoying right?? have you been annoyed by me???